A Quick Message to My Extended Family and Family Friends:

Apparently my parents are “shocked” at the level of vulgarity contained on this page. This struck me as odd because they’ve been raising me for 25 years. I figured if any two people know how vulgar I am it has got to be them. And it’s not really vulgar, I prefer to think of my webpage as indecorus and ribald. Admittedly I do use swear words in my Montaigne-esque essays (even I’m not buying that), but I feel I use them well (my college professors would concur) and when you use words well it’s not vulgar, it’s eloquent. Our naughty words are the strongest part of the English language. No other language can swear like ours can, it would be a disservice to turn my back on these words. If I use them poorly (and I rarely do) it would be vulgar and I’ll admit it (like in the essay to Daniel), but on the whole I don’t, so although my prose might seem low brow (which it may be) please note it’s also sincere and honest.

But I know my parents are concerned (they evidently gave out my URL before reviewing the site) so I’ve come up with the following list. Below are the names and dates of the articles that can be read by family members and family friends. Though I’d prefer that it all get read I understand some of this material is innappropriate and I would like to get invited to and received with a modicum of respect at the next family gathering.

Dear Friends and Family please only read the following entries: October 20th (Rapists Love Ice Cream), October 16th (Weekend at Kana’s…), Oct. 11th (Sock Essay), October 7th (On Being Alone), and October 6th, (the first praragraph of the original entry way at the bottom of the page.) DO NOT read October 13th (the open letter to Daniel) or some of the earlier entries down at the bottom of the page. The comments that follow each essay (and I use the word lightly) are also brash and full of swears but I didn’t write them (okay I wrote some) and 90% are complimentary.

So in closing I apologize for all profanity. Rest assured it was used for humor’s sake and there was no malicious intent behind it even though it may sound like it. I love you all. I’m not a bad person. And Momma, I promise I’m not just being profane because I got a job with Hustler although I wouldn’t object. All those unattired women, percolating with lascivious desires. That job would be so fuckin’ sweet! Larry Flynt my resume’s in the mail!