Things More Frustrating Than “Hello.”

The more erudite and less pathetic may revel in certain people’s ability to express (IN CHINESE) their displeasure with the simple English greeting (Hello) used by non native speakers towards them while they idle away their time in Shangwhore. I read it in the English translation…AND the original CHINESE!!! To a degree I concur, but upon reflecting on this third grade piece of shit I got to thinking. Is that bi-syllabic salutation really that offensive and annoying or have we grown too great for our gracious host country? To try to put it into perspective I came up with this list of things Chinese people do on a daily basis which is more annoying than the overused, “Hello.”

Things more annoying than “Hello”

1. Spitting on the bus

2. Spitting on the bus and hitting my shoe and not the intended floor

3. Overcharging for goods and then laughing hysterically at the 5 mao they got out of us as opposed to their Chinese brethren.

4. Urinating everywhere

5. Not understanding my perfect Chinese

6. Assuming laowai know nothing

7. The fact that they think they won WWII

8. Identifying Westlife and Backstreet Boys as quintessential western music while scoffing at bands like Soundgarden and Captain Beefheart

9. Constantly stating the phrase, “We have 5000 years of culture.” as an excuse for every initiative they’ve ever boggled.

10. Not lining up for shit!!!

11. Passing off counterfeit currency to laowai because they don’t know the difference (see reason 6)

12. Driving worse than Italians

13. Constantly being blatantly hypocritical

14. Endorsing “Golden Week” price gouging schemes

15. Justifying the battery of woman as a legitimate recourse to, “not losing face.”

16. Every show on CCTV 9 that isn’t the news.

17. Yang Rui

18. Their penchant for shitty techno

19. Cab drivers thinking every fare is a chance for them to re-enact their favorite scenes from Cannonball Run.

20. NOT LINING UP FOR SHIT!!!!!

China has been my home for over a year and I love it. I value every day here as a new experience full of things for me to learn. If the worst thing that happens to you is a few errant, “Hellos,” consider yourself lucky. Seriously. I’ve been peed on before. And puked on. This country is great. Oh yeah, and baijiu is pretty annoying too.