part 1 of an ongoing series:

I don’t really have a lot of time to write out a big post about being back home in America, but I felt compelled to comment on this due to the sheer, undeniably blatant irony of it. The following is an excerpt from George W. Bush’s most recent speech to the American people:

“Some call this evil Islamic radicalism. Others militant jihadism. Still, others Islamo-fascism… we’re not facing a set of grievances that can be soothed and addressed. We’re facing a radical ideology with unalterable objectives: to enslave whole nations and intimidate the world.”

Hmm. A, “radical ideology with unalterable objectives: to enslave whole nations and intimidate the world.” Why does that sound so familiar? Where have I heard this before? Could it be that…oh yeah!…that statement completely and totally describes how the rest of the world views the United States. A bunch of power hungry, oil stealing, mass murdering fuckwits, who have given the proverbial finger to the international community and invaded not one but two countries that have done very little to us (especially our pure American soil.) Man, I can’t believe Bush pulled that off with a straight face. The fucking audacity of that idiotic cunt. And the IRONY!! Oh the sweet, sweet irony. Yeah I can’t tell you how much the Middle Eastern community in central Florida has been busting my ass to join the nation of Islam. Compared to the right wing fuckin’ southern Baptists, not that God damn much. Although I will say that the Middle-Eastern community did enslave me to hummus. But that stuff is just delicious, and healthy. I was a willing victim in that flavor jihad. Just start bombing me with falafel and pita bread and I’ll be one happy camper.

Speaking of irony, last month, I came back home to what I think is still the “land of the free and the home of the brave” (though that might have been axed with the approval of the newest Patriot Act) to find that I have less freedom here (in a country that was founded on it), than I did in a authoritarian communist country. I had more freedom in CHINA than I have in the United States of America. For Christ’s sake the news is arguably more objective on CCTV-9 than it is on any of the major American networks. The thing is, in China there is no doubt who’s running the show. The citizens of America are sitting idly by and not doing a fucking thing about it. What’s worse is a whole fucking lot of them are buying Hummers! Gas is $3.00 gallon you fucking vomit twats! George W. Bush (who granted is a figure head) and his tyrannical handlers are sinking this country into the deepest circles of hell and not only are they getting away with it people still ACTUALLY SUPPORT them!

I almost have to tip my hat to the Bush administration and say, “Well done old chap. Well done indeed.” They have kicked the shit out of the American people and are standing with their jackboots pushing against our collective windpipes and we’re struggling, not to free ourselves from their stranglehold, but to unzip their pants and jack them off while they kill us.

We, as American people, have failed. We deserve the misery we allowed George W. Bush and his administration to sink us into. And I for one will be the first to recognize China as the next great leader of the United States of the People’s Repulic of China. So while I still have the freedom of speech that our constitution grants us, I’d like to say to George W. Bush,

“Fuck You. Fuck you for raping and defiling the country I love so much. Fuck you for vilifying the American people in the eyes of every other citizen on the face of the planet and fuck you for allowing them to be justified in their caustic opinions of us. You’re an ignorant, oblivious, evil man and you are to blame for the destruction of this country. Oh and nice work in New Orleans. You fuckin’ retard.”