Got Sperm?

Yesterday I was doing my ancillary watch on the top of our ship, shirtless (for the ladies), soaking up Jamaica’s sun when I spotted out of the corner of my right eye something I never saw before. Since I started this job in November I’ve spent as much time at sea as I have on land and in all that time I never saw a whale (of course when I’m on land I’m not really expecting to see one but you never know) until today. Under the tropical, late afternoon Jamaican sun (which is totally different from the Florida sun and Hangzhou sun) I saw the tell tale sign every MMO is looking for. The blow. It was barely a half mile out off the starboard (right side) bow. Well I’m guesstimating a half mile. To tell you the truth, my ability to judge distance at sea is still a little wonky and by, “wonky,” I mean shockingly inaccurate. It was anywhere from 300 feet to 3 miles off the starboard bow/side of the boat. That much I can guarantee with a 90% degree of certainty. Without a doubt it (the blow) was between the islands of Jamaica and Cuba.

My heart rate accelerated as I focused my binoculars in the vicinity of the blow hoping there would be another one because as it was I had no idea as to the species producing this blow. Now as most of you know, whales have different blows. No two species of whale blows the same. They all have a unique way of blowing. There are no two blows alike in the whale world. It’s a smorgasbord of varied blowing styles when you’re dealing with whales. You gotta know the blow. It’s your job to know the blow. And I know the blow. You blow in front of me I’ll tell you who’s doing the blowing. And that’s what I was waiting for…one more blow. As luck would have it, I didn’t have to wait long for another blow. It came immediately… right in my face. It was the blow of the mighty Sperm Whale. Everything about this blow said, “Sperm,” from the 45 degree angle of the spray to its offset blowhole. Yep, this blow had sperm written all over it.

Yep, I saw my first two whales yesterday and they were sperm whales. It was utterly breathtaking to see these beautiful creatures in the wild. They were between 30 and 40 feet long and just lounging on the surface taking in the sun. They swam along with the boat for about 10 minutes then disappeared. I’m assuming they dove beneath the surface looking for squid to munch. It is, after all, their favorite thing to munch. You throw squid anywhere near these whales and you better believe they’re going to munch those squids. They love the squid and they’ll stop at nothing to eat them. That’s why they’re the deepest, longest diving cetacean known to man. They’ll dive down to 10,000 feet just to get those squid. They’ll stay down for 2 hours just to get a taste of those snacktastic bastards. These babies are certified squid junkies and there’s no place they won’t go in search of their favorite, eight-legged, invertebrate treat. Luckily, one of those places they’ll dare venture is right off the side of our boat because I’ve always wanted to see them and now I got to. Gotta admit, it was pretty sweet.

What’s not so sweet is the wicked bad sun burn I got from 6 hours of ancillary watch. I only had my shirt off for two hours but man did I burn. I look like a cherry tomato with vestigial nipples…and arms. Every movement hurts. I am emitting light. I have a dull amber glow which will in a few days fade into a nice olive tan but for now I’m in immense pain. And I wear jeans on watch so the tan line I have between my upper body and lower body is striking to say the least. So much so that when I masturbate it looks like I have jungle fever for myself. Which I do.