Someone need to lay off the Royal Dansk… now! Here in Denmark we have often heard of cookie induced sexual confusion, and I believe this article bears the sign of one. Either get off the cookies or get laid. Since you are not anywhere near the normally wide selection of females that crowds a Marlborough model as yourself, I suggest you look in the vicinity of what you can get your hands on. Norwegian sailors.

Now, before you dismiss my idea totally, try to think about it. Many Norwegians have fair blond hair and crystal clear blue eyes. Their bodies are tight and well shaped from all the mountain climbing, and their odours unspoiled by perfume as they only bathe in lakes and rub their skin with bark and half-cut apples. That’s a winning combo for you right there. You can’t deny the thought haven’t crossed your mind, can you?

So I suggest that you pack a basket of Royal Dansk, some Norwegian spring water bottles from the wending machine and maybe throw in a few candles. Then go knock on the cabin door to that special someone. You know whom I mean. Yeah - the one that’s been giving you the eye across the breakfast table as you eat your oatmeal. The one who always smiles warmly when you are alone in the outlook post. Walk in his cabin and give him a compliment about his fuzzy big blond beard. Close your eyes and let it happen. You know you want to. You know you mind will be free of dirty thoughts, as it will be filled with so many new questions.